Meditation log 06/30/12

First, a few notes on what I can remember of Friday 06/29/12:

Sat for 30 minutes with my sitting group at work. Noting. Then later, I think, an hour of noting in the nap room. Ah, can't remember anything about any of this.

Saturday 06/30/12:

Spontaneously awoke around 4am with an immediate small insight into the nature of my reality. I can't remember what it was, but it inspired me to stay awake and practice while continuing to recline. After 20 or 30 minutes I saw that my mind was muddy so I reluctantly arose into a sitting position and practiced noting for about an hour.

I had two significant insights during that time, though I can only remember one: greater clarity about my resistance to noting aversion. I noted aversion during this sitting with more gentleness, slowness, and compassion than usual, and was thus able to be more present for it. I guess I have great aversion to aversion.

Another insight I've had in recent days -- maybe this is the second one of my 6/30 morning sit -- is that the "bad" or "guilty" feeling I feel when I "misbehave" is tension held in defense of sadness. Since then, I've been able to feel the sadness instead, when I remember to try.