Sunday, July 29, 2012

Meditation log 07/29/12

9:20 45 minutes noting. Attention was precise -- mostly. For about 10 or 15 minutes toward the end, my mind was rehearsing for a phone call and organizing thoughts about the path of insight. But outside of that, I seemed to be gaining understanding of my experience to a finer level of detail. I didn't often notice, or note, pleasure. When I did, it was just a tiny experience sandwiched between two other experiences such as sadness or rocking or anything. At about the 12 minute mark I decided to extend and kick my legs to relieve my knees. Even more than before, I experienced and noted great resistance, sadness, and anguish at every increment of movement--actually (as I've experienced and logged before) beginning with just the idea of moving. The sadness and anguish was felt both in the legs and in the torso and throat. At other times, I noticed and noted sounds (hearing), then noticed an urge in the mind to make a story about the sound, then noticed something unrelated to the sound. I saw that my mind was behaving outside of habit--that these sounds would typically have been experienced as irritating, but were not today because the mind did not create the story. This was all on a very fine level--the stories that the mind was avoiding were not stories that I could tell in words.

Only a weak, uncertain impression of moving through nanas. It took maybe 30 seconds after I began meditating to feel locked in -- maybe I was going through the first 3 nanas and into the 4th? After that, the quality of my attention did not noticeably change. The meditation was not particularly enjoyable but also not particularly unpleasant.

Very lovely experience walking (and noting) to the home of a NEST member to help her with her computer, spending 2 hours with her, and walking/noting back home. Noted pleasure many, many times ... and, usually, noted sadness or anxiety immediately afterward. It was the loveliest of summer days.

15 minute phone conversation with Shaila. I asked if noting can be as powerful a technique as those taught by Pa Auk Sayadaw. She replied with an emphatic "yes".

6:30 pm 40 minutes noting with neighborhood sitting group. Quite difficult and unpleasant. Attention was not precise, sleepiness felt like a struggle, and I had RLS sensations. I kept experiencing unpleasantness and aversion but could not apply precise enough attention to penetrate the schmear of "this is really uncomfortable and I want it to stop". I felt like I wanted to go home immediately afterward, but the conversation was engaging and I enjoyed it.

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