2am About an hour of noting, lying down. Awoke from sleep immediately into noting, as though I had been noting in my sleep. Everything was sad, fearful, and/or painful. Every movement was painful, in the same way as I described the pain of moving my legs yesterday. There was a lot of thinking, almost continuous, but somehow I was not averse to it at all; it didn't seem out of place or non-meditative, and I usually forgot to note it. Most reflections on any topic were followed by fear or sadness: thinking about work, people, memories. My attention seemed to be somehow quite on the surface of things, not penetrative. Noting was automatic. Stronger than usual sense that my body and bodily motions/functions were not self. At one point I passed gas and it frightened me as though it were something occurring from outside myself. As I became more wakeful, I applied more effort to note precisely; discomfort increased and my face scrunched up, and I recalled that someone (Ron Crouch?) said a scrunched face was indicative of the Knowledge of Misery. I eventually got up to go to the bathroom (after maybe an hour?) ... and then sat here at my computer to log. I intend to sit upright and meditate upon going back to bed.
3:10 am Half hour seated noting. Attention was more precise than when lying down. Other than that, experience was similar to above. Didn't seem to be getting insights. Can't remember more details. Could have kept going, but it was unpleasant and I knew I needed sleep for work tomorrow.
Mind kept noting; had difficult time falling back to sleep.
Dreamt I was at the World Orienteering Champs with Eric. We were staying together in a room in a house. Our interactions were unusual and a bit uncomfortable. Eventually Eric told me that he'd lost his interest and attraction for me. I was shocked and said, "Really!!!" and nothing more -- it was understood that this was the end of our partnership. I was sharply sad, but immediately began thinking of one benefit after another, and soon felt happiness and relief. After that I could see that our lives were already beginning to diverge, although we still shared the room in a friendly way. After some time I became aware that this was a dream and that Eric had never said any such thing to me, and I felt deeply disappointed.
1:25 pm Pain in right jaw, tension at right shoulder/neck, stronger than usual throbbing & pulsing. Uncomfortable. Hard to work.
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