Some weird, uncomfortable things happened during the night that I tried hard to remember, but, sadly, I hardly remember them at all. Something about waking up from a dream with a lot of aversion, then staying awake for a while and maybe meditating without trying, then developing a lot of aversion and/or knee & elbow pain, then falling back asleep.
In session with Trip: Wanted to tell him about stream entry, but found it more important to observe the emotions around anticipating this disclosure. Found that when I imagined disclosing, I also imagined immediately defending myself from a resulting attack. Then, spent 25 minutes following inclinations. Sleepily curled into semi-fetal, felt urges/sensations that seemed from infancy, relaxed and sighed. Then, very gradually, noticed fear of threat coming from right. First inclination was to retreat and passively receive. Then, inclination appeared to turn toward attack and adopt a defensive stance. Very slow motion. Session ended before cycle felt complete.
Sights and sounds are vivid and sensual. Not nearly as intensely as with ecstasy (MDMA), but distinctly and delightfully more so than they've been almost my entire adult life. I feel sounds throughout my body.
3:45 An hour of seated noting. Again -- first, what I've lately been calling A&P, then what I've been calling equanimity ... and then, for probably the latter 40 minutes, a lot of drifting in and out of sleepiness. It's funny, often when I drift into actual sleep, my noting will drift into a sentence or phrase spoken within the dream. As in, "hearing ... expanding ... coolness ... you only have to close the door once [sudden realization I'm dreaming]. Not much pleasure or unpleasantness, not much craving or aversion.
Feeling a little cranky today about the fact that I'm uncertain whether I experienced stream entry. I don't feel lighter, my mind seems to work the same (except for the heightened sensuality), and I'm not getting any more fruitions. Grumble, grumble! :-)
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