Thursday, July 19, 2012

Meditation log 07/19/12

7am 30 minutes seated noting. Every 5 minutes I switched from stationary sitting, to kicking my feet back and forth gently, and back to stationary. Today I found the entire thing fine; I didn't dislike it nor wish for it to end. I noted pleasure occasionally and tried a little to notice what came immediately afterward. It was usually sadness, anger, or anxiety. The legs kicking back and forth triggered some sensual pleasure. The kicking seemed like a nice intermediate between stationary sitting and more vigorous activity, such as walking. Intermediate in terms of the amount of sensory stimulation and the amount of intentional activity. Stationary sitting involves little sensory stimulation and intentional activity, and thus allows the noticing of more subtle mental phenomena. It is difficult to note intentional activity, because by nature it involves the self. I'm sure there is a more accurate way to state that.

I am wondering when I will be able to meditate again today. There is work, and then I have a guest tonight. Since I must stay at work until 7:30 for a conference, perhaps I can justify taking an hour for meditation before the conference.

3:45 Skipped out of the proteomics symposium for an hour of seated noting in the nap room. Even though there was occasional aversion, the meditation seemed easy and precise, and I didn't desire to stop. Possibly influenced by caffeine in chocolate consumed an hour earlier. On about 3 occasions I spent a minute or two lifting my calves to horizontal (I was in a chair) and lowering them. I drifted into sleepy states, and in these states I found myself experiencing complex sensations that I didn't know how to name; I wasn't sure if they were pleasant/unpleasant or even mental/physical. My reactions to noises were very visceral; I was aware of the reaction before I was aware of the sound. Thus, "anger", "hearing". There were some lingering smells to which I noted aversion.

Over previous 48 hours, developed notion that I'd like to hook up with someone this weekend, maybe from the symposium. Tried interacting with a few different attractive people during the noshing hour, but didn't get anywhere and was quite conscious of potential negative repercussions. Feeling the same general, undirected sexual desire I often feel at the beginning of February, which I usually call "spring fever".

Noted on bus ride home and during a bit of sitting before sleep.

No comments:

Post a Comment