I am experimenting with blogging using the Voice Recognition function on my phone. I just now entered about 5 minutes worth of very brilliant observations - then, I noticed that my phone had gone to sleep, & I had lost all that I had written. Anicca. [07/29/15: entry edited to fix voice recognition failures]
Whereas craving has been prominent in my practice, both on and off the cushion, for the past 10 months, today I saw a shift - I saw the fear of annihilation beneath the craving. I saw that the ego really really doesn't want to go away. How it seems that there is nothing beyond ego. That without ego I am nothing.
I just bought a second house. I bought the house behind my back fence, and now I am having a lot of work done on it. Expensive work, and work that, at least initially, involves a lot of destruction. When I hear the work, I feel anxiety. The anxiety is not simply worry that the work may not be done properly, or may not turn out as I would like, or may not be worth the money I am spending. I can see that it is about rapidity of change - seeing things that are perfectly good as they are being destroyed, and not in my control.
