Still more thoughts that lead to suffering

Suffering is inevitable.

There is only so much I can do to alleviate my own suffering. Once I've alleviated it a little, stop trying, because you'll just fail.

Without suffering, I don't know who I am, and that brings up fear.

I am a bad person, such that whatever I do will bring suffering upon me

If I don't know what to do, I should punish myself

Any technique I use to alleviate suffering today will not work next time.

There certainly is something I ought to be doing; I need to punish myself for not doing it right now.

All the little things I do to make my life run more smoothly -- keeping my calendar, doit.im -- are a waste of time and I should punish myself for doing them

If there's a setback while I'm trying to get something done, it's my fault and I should punish myself while taking the extra time necessary

It's impossible to cut through all the thoughts that are causing me suffering. Don't try to get to the bottom of it; be satisfied with one layer or two.

Ideally, I would treat myself like a machine and, on schedule, do all the tasks necessary to maintain my body, my finances, my relationships, my home, and my spiritual life, regardless of whether I feel like it. When I notice that I'm not living my life this way, I should punish myself.

Progress on the present task is a pipe dream. What I'm doing right now is a big waste of time!

If I don't let Zarina squeeze me when I don't want her to, it'll be a big disaster

More thoughts that lead to suffering ... and a respite from that suffering!!!

If I'm doing something enjoyable and mindless, like watching a movie or TV, organizing data, cleaning house, working in the garden, eating delicious food, styling my hair, purchasing something I really want, engaging in Facebook conversation, or reading stuff on the internet, I'm doing something wrong. I ought to be doing my spiritual practice. (Note that in some cases this is at odds with the belief that I need to acquire new things).

If I buy some pleasure by ingesting caffeine, I'm doubly doing something wrong.

If I experience a moment of joy, I need to immediately ensure that I'm safe by directing my attention to my list of concerns (the time, my to-do list, delinquent obligations, preparing for the next social encounter, supporting my health, avoiding any impending discomfort).

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Holy cow. The past hour or so, I've kept these in mind (as well as the thoughts I documented in an earlier post) and I've been avoiding a lot of second darts!
It's OK to enjoy life!
I'm trusting that, by refraining from self-punishment, I'll not be any worse off than otherwise!

When I feel an uncomfortable sensation, instead of punishing myself for it, I've been offering myself compassion. And I don't mean anything more complicated then just pausing a sec and noting, "oh, that seemed uncomfortable, and that's fine." Not only do I avoid the second dart, but immediately the sensation ceases to be uncomfortable and my experience of it is of playful delight!

When I enjoy something mindless, I just enjoy it!

This is part of enlightenment!!! so no need to beat myself up over not doing formal spiritual practice. The point of those practices is precisely to end suffering. Might as well go directly for the ending of suffering by just ceasing to cause myself suffering :-D