5:40 a.m. 90 minutes seated silent mouthed noting. First hour+ was quite difficult. Pressure, aversion, aversion, sadness, sleepiness. During a few periods I noted aversion a lot. A few times, after some moments of actual sleep and dream, it felt like I broke through to a deeper level of sadness. And sometimes, well into the sitting, it felt like I broke through to a deeper level that wasn't the same old sadness but was something new, something less unpleasant but also unfamiliar enough that I noticed (but perhaps forgot to note) resistance. Toward the end of the sitting I adjusted my sitting position to relieve some pressure and stretched a bit. Then meditation was easy; the unpleasantness and aversion went away.
I continue to experience inertia when sitting. Movement, such as moving my hand and opening my eyes to check the time, brings unpleasant tingles in the body part being moved and also other parts of the body. So I tend to want to not move.
Yesterday (07/08/12) I sat for 45 or 60 minutes in the morning, then meditated continuously while standing during the 90 minute service at St. Paul Antiochian Orthodox Church. I found during the service that when my eyes were open, my mind was very active (worrying, anxiety, planning, storytelling ... generally planning how to act in order to support my self-image).
Day before (07/07/12) I sat for 90 minutes in the morning.
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In psychotherapy session today, spent entire session doing a variation of my noting practice. It felt like the session was an extension of my morning sit. I began with noting but also allowing my body to move freely; I found my torso eventually tipped over all the way to rest upon my right thigh. The noting helped me detach from an active mind that kept thinking, "I'm doing this wrong". As the mind quieted I gradually (without trying/planning) dropped the noting and focused on being present in my body and allowing it to act. As I rested on my thigh, my shirt collar came in contact with my mouth and I found myself with imagery/feelings of being a baby, being held, and nursing.
At one point during this, Trip made a startling noise with his chair. My mind registered the noise and the startle and let go immediately, with no mental grasping or storytelling. This was remarkable.
10pm 30 minutes noting in bed. I went to sleep with the intention of waking in the middle of the night for more meditation, but I didn't end up doing that.
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