Felt quite motivated to sit upon waking.
6:10 a.m 90 minutes seated noting. Lots of thinking, so toward end, added whispering. But, as usual, mouthing the noting involved significant effort and physical discomfort, as all physical motions feel a tiny bit painful when I'm mindful. The meditation had 2 or 3 interruptions: to set the timer, to add on time. Although the meditation was uncomfortable, and there was a lot of thinking, I felt quite absorbed in the activity and didn't want to stop. Increased rocking of the torso. Thinking, sadness, aversion, hearing, rocking, pulsing, expanding, releasing, sleepiness, contact, breeze, tension, hunger, nausea. Occasional fleeting pleasure from sounds or sensations.
I wonder whether sitting cross legged in bed is causing the knee discomfort I've had for a few months. It almost always feels comfortable while I am sitting.
During one of my recent sittings, when I had a lot of discomfort and also tried to really relax into the experience even though it seemed to be leading me into unfamiliar territory, I drifted into sleepiness for some moments, then emerged into a state where the uncomfortable sensations didn't bother me anymore. The word equanimity came to mind when I reflected on it a day or two later.
9:15 a.m. Drove to Everett for an extra session with Trip; tried to note pleasure. Also directed my attention partially to the "anapana spot" (just under the nostrils) as a way of generating pleasure. When I arrived, I had a few minutes, so I phoned El to discuss something she'd just texted me. She related a distressing experience and I found myself experiencing much more compassion than usual. At start of session with Trip I found myself feeling more friendly and open than usual. I tried to stay in touch with that the entire session. I enjoyed bodily feelings of pleasure throughout the session, and I also felt anxiety. The bodily pleasure felt like sexual attraction. I kept telling myself that it was OK and probably good to feel that, and reminding myself that it didn't at all mean that I was going to embark upon a sexual relationship.
11pm 45 minutes seated noting? I think I may have begun with metta. Anyway, I did metta sometime today or the next day.
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