I guess the gloom ended when I flew to the Bay Area on May10. Z met me there for 4 days, mostly spent at Aegis, the dementia care facility where Mom lives now, with family, and with a couple of her friends. On that trip Z had brought another copy of Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It and I read some of it again and became re-inspired. I began the practice with fresh enthusiasm. I was reminded that one doesn't need to do anything, to try to behave lovingly toward oneself -- one simply needs to direct love toward oneself.
At a subsequent psychotherapy session, T said, "those voices that keep trying to protect us with messages like you should be doing something else and there is not enough time and you did something wrong -- they are pretty lonely and need love." Since then I've been extending love to the inner children who have been desperately repeating these messages to me throughout my life. It feels right. A few days ago I was doing this practice at the kitchen table while sitting quietly with J, when I had the sense, for the first time I can remember, that I like being with myself.
