What is going on

Have been meditating formally more often lately -- 30 to 90 minutes per day for the past few weeks. Noting practiced. Relaxed. Have been doing it while doing yoga, also, and it cuts through the suffering I experience while doing yoga. And have also been noting while doing other activities. Would like to get back to 90 min. formal meditation daily. Would like to get to technical 4th path. Would like to stop being imprisoned by my self. Was initially inspired by a new post by Ron Crouch in which he asserts that drug experiences pale next to the happiness of enlightenment.

Did the World Rogaining Championships last weekend with Zarina, in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Was diligent about staying hydrated and ingesting electrolytes. And possibly this is why I was not depleted the next day or the day after. Enjoyed seeing Mt Rushmore. Sewer failed while we were away. Spent the ensuing 3 days working out what to do.

Noting practice has supplanted "I love myself". I feel sad to give up "I love myself".

Dementia and suicide

Two people alerted me to this website created by a woman just before she took her own life in the early stages of dementia, at age 85.

Here is what I wrote in response to the second person:

Thank you for sending me that link. I love getting links from good friends so please send freely. Actually Z had sent me that one a few days ago. I really loved it because I want to do what that woman, Gillian, did, if I am in her situation. The more such accounts I read, the more I think I could have the fortitude to follow through. I am in full agreement with Gillian, except for when she says that she was becoming a vegetable or an empty shell. Those are inaccurate metaphors that dehumanize people with dementia. But she is correct in saying that she was losing her self and her ability to determine her own destiny. Until such day that society finds a way to care for people with dementia humanely and affordably, it is better to commit suicide at the stage Gillian was at. The care my mother receives is almost the best available, but it is still inhumane.

To me the hardest part about such a suicide is that, without expert supervision, it could fail, and then one is in a really bad fix. It is also hard to obtain the drugs. I don't currently know anyone who would get them for me, but perhaps if I got myself into the right circles I would be able to get them.