Awoke, as usual, feeling dread. Tried meditating while reclining in bed; didn't provide relief.
7:00 Ran with Z. Light noting throughout. Lots of anxiety about noting while with Z instead of chatting.
7:45 45 minutes seated silent noting on back porch. Interplay of vivid pleasure (hearing, tingling) and anguish (pulsing, pressure, sadness). A fair amount of thinking. At about 30 minutes I intentionally relaxed my right jaw (it's usually clenched) and the anguish subsided after that. Again, I didn't want to arise from meditation.
During session with Trip, spent ~25 minutes feeling into and moving with right side sensations. Felt both satisfaction and great yearning. Similar to meditation session, did not want to emerge from this activity.
Committed myself to staying with these sensations throughout work day. I sense that they are leading me to a truer way of living, a way with less tension and striving.
3:45 pm 30 minutes very light noting as I continued to stay and move with these sensations. Felt quite sleepy so followed up with a 15 minute nap. When I awoke, I felt quite at ease and at peace with the sensations, as though they'd reached some resolution.
Beautiful summer day. Much pleasure from sights and sounds.
9:45 pm Concentration practice, anapanasati. I simply felt drawn to this practice. I used noting for distractions. The mind settled fairly quickly and easily. After about 30 minutes, Eric entered the room. Anger arose and the mind became busy.
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