Meditation log 08/04/12

I slept with Mom last night. I slept lightly and with pleasure. At times I practiced "relax for 2 to 5 seconds".

6:50 am  One hour seated noting. The second half I felt like I was abiding comfortably in the midst of sensations--as I've experienced and recorded many times over the past month. When I enter this state, I think, "Oh, I'm not needing to reach for sensation anymore," even though before I enter this state I am not thinking, "I am needing to reach for sensation." There was little unpleasantness throughout the sitting, and very little during the second half. During the second half I once noted "joy" and often noted pleasure, calm, peace. It was not completely peaceful--there was sometimes craving or anxiety--but it was quite peaceful. During the second half I often was in a somewhat sleepy state. A few times I had the notion that I might have a fruition, and wished to have one, but forgot to note "wishing" or "grasping". I would like to have meditated longer, but Mom was anxious and kept waking Dad.

Midnight. Maybe 30 minutes seated noting. Before I sat I was very eager to sit, after having discussed practice with Shaila for 1/2 hour in the car and then read stuff online from Kenneth Folk and Ron Crouch. I was eager to ease the burden of personality and to observe my experience closely. Towards the latter half of the sit I felt like I was peacefully "abiding in the midst of sensation", which might be the stage of Knowledge of Equanimity. I noted sleepiness from time to time, but did not actually become drowsy. Several times my awareness became less crisp for a few moments, and then I'd seemingly drop out of consciousness for what seemed like a fraction of a second. It was pleasant. I'd experienced this before and thought that it was dozing off, but last night I paid closer attention and it seemed different from dozing, and I wondered if it was cessation. I tried being aware of the rhythm of the clock ticking to see if the rhythm seemed interrupted by these blips (indicating time loss), but it didn't seem to be.

I love dropping the sense of self. During my sit I was eager to drop it and thus eagerly noted everything that seemed associated with self.