6:30 a.m. 30 minutes self-metta, then one hour of noting. During self-metta, did a bit of noting of the fear and resistance that comes up when I feel pleasure and well-being.
During the latter one hour, noting included a lot of sadness and a lot of thinking, not necessarily associated with each other. The session wasn't difficult. To prevent runaway thinking, sometimes noted "thinking" when I just felt the sensation of brain activity, before any discernable thought had arose. This is something I've practiced from time to time for years. It's generally satisfying -- easy to do, effective at preventing runaway thought -- but there is one small unsatisfying thing about it, and that is that all of the added noting (I tend to note "thinking" every 2 or 3 notes) displaces noting of other sensation. There is something unsatisfying about letting all those other sensations, usually noted, go by un-noted.
I did some silent noting, some mouthed noting, and some whispered noting. When shifting from less active to more active noting (e.g. from silent to mouthed, from mouthed to whispered), there is always resistance. It's a less uncomfortable transition if I allow myself to imagine it first. After imagining it, my body takes a deep breath, seemingly in preparation for the exertion.
Some of what's uncomfortable about more active noting (I noticed today) is tiny discomforts associated with all of the minute physical actions needed to form words with my mouth. This is the same discomfort I wrote about months ago. At that time I was aware of discomfort upon taking physical action outside of meditation, such as turning my head or moving my fingers to keyboard. In fact, I can feel it while keyboarding now. A tingling.
Some of my thinking was about my upcoming September retreat with Gil. I learned last week that I am accepted for the retreat. Now I am wondering how to best prepare and engage in the retreat. How can I take care of myself to avoid the isolation I experienced last fall at the Forest Refuge?
Very pleasant day helping Eric organize his stuff, then boating at Zarina's parents house. Tried to do noting while in the midst of boating and socializing. It was hard but I liked it -- it allayed my social anxiety. It was hard because I'm so much of the habit of not being present while socializing, and while noting I kept fearing that I wasn't being sociable enough.
6:30 p.m. 40 minutes silent noting with Janet's sitting group. Dozed a lot toward the end.
Very pleasant dinner cooked by Eric, with neighbor Paul visiting.
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