Upon going to bed last night, I set a mild intention to awaken in the middle of the night and meditate. It didn't happen though ... or, at least, not as I'd intended.
About 1:00 am Eric got into bed with me. I experienced fright and said, "I've been meditating ... in my sleep ... involuntarily." I had the impression that in my sleep I had been paying close attention to the phenomena in my awareness.
Sleep was again interrupted by Eric's alarm around 4:30 and my subsequent effort to make sure he arose.
7:30 am 90 minutes seated noting. I felt especially relaxed in my effort; I wondered if this was because Beth showed approval and encouragement for this last night. Lots of sadness and sleepiness that passed through my body very quickly and easily. I noticed that meditation was easy, and looked to see whether there were tensions in the right side of my body. I saw that there was only mild tension in the right torso, and moderate tension in the jaw/throat, and that neither of these felt uncomfortable -- there was no aversion to them. Later in the session, the sadness became stickier, and there was a mood of melancholy.
After this, I felt sleepy and decided to lie down and sleep. But once I was lying down, sleep did not come quickly. I decided to try meditating, and found that I was able to have good attention lying down, although not as good as when sitting up. I meditated and dozed for 3.5 hours! until about 12:30. At first it was mostly meditating, but later it became mostly sleeping. I chose this in the spirit of listening to myself and allowing myself what I felt I wanted (Beth yesterday encouraged me to have this attitude on my next retreat, and her words had a strong influence).
I roused myself from sleep when I started having nightmares, feelings of not being able to breathe, and general physical discomfort. This is what I commonly experience when I sleep "too long". I also vividly imagined that my friend El was walking along the side of the house and talking to someone; I suppose it was actually a friend of the neighbor, but it startled me.
8 pm Kora music at house concert. I tried meditating instead of my usual listening-to-music mental activity, which is a combination of hearing, fantasizing, planning, investigation, and analysis. I resisted doing it at first, fearing it was wrong. Then I relaxed into doing it, but eventually abandoned it, because it didn't allow me to enjoy the music.
No comments:
Post a Comment