7:15 a.m. One hour silent noting while seated in car. I needed to drive to work early to get a cheap parking space. Felt familiar strong tension in right chest/jaw with an associated yearning for release/relief. Noted for about 5 minutes, then, like yesterday, took approx. 8 minutes time-out to feel into the tension and allow release. Not effective. Continued noting: tension, anguish, yearning, craving. The tension was associated with an (again familiar) force causing my head to tip toward my chest. When this force is present during meditation, I am vaguely preoccupied with whether to yield to the force or to keep my head upright; this adds to discomfort. Other notes: pressure, hearing, sleepiness, sadness, contact, irritation, salivation, moisture, coughing, pulsing, expanding, release, thinking.
Ate lightly, then 4 oreos at 3:00 team meeting. Seemed to get a caffeine buzz from that; was hyper and talkative during 5pm couple counseling. Dinner for date night with Eric. At 8pm we lay down together for some physical intimacy. By 9pm I noticed I was "checked out"; I didn't want to continue with Eric but didn't want to get up either. I just wanted to fall asleep. Eric suggested we do that, so we did, without our evening ablutions.
1:15 a.m. Wasn't sleeping deeply so awoke for an hour's silent seated noting. Concentration was strong, as it usually is in the middle of the night. Began with neutral sensations, then some unpleasant sensations began to arise in the right torso/jaw. Also, for the first time in memory, sexual sensations in the genitals. Some sleepiness. Didn't particularly want to quit when the chime went off after an hour. There were some more remarkable things about this sitting but I can't remember them now.
No comments:
Post a Comment