During the night: I have vague memories of slightly waking and meditating, and dancing with the illusion of self in a satisfying way, over and over again through the night. I recall moving my body with the clear sense that "I" wasn't doing it -- and enjoying that, but perhaps also fearing it slightly, with the fear causing me to snap back into identification with the movement.
6:50 am 65 minutes seated whispered noting. Although I was speaking the notes, my mind still found it possible to create trains of thought for me to get lost in :-) Sitting was not difficult; suffering was low even though there was sadness and existential fear, and pleasure was never noted. Continued practice of last few days of trying to note subtle sensations and mind states; sometimes I would just note "feeling" or "something" when I couldn't name it right away. Expanding, releasing, craving, sadness, sleepiness, fear, pulsing, planning, noting, mouthing, swallowing, rocking, sadness, tingling, aversion craving, craving ...
I've been trying to find a way to note "aversion" without triggering a cascade of unpleasant mind-states. I try to note it with a very soft, gentle voice, and to avoid dwelling on the meaning of the word after making the decision to voice it. So I notice aversion, intend to note aversion, initiate the saying of "aversion", and immediately shift my attention to the next perception even as the word is escaping my mouth.
11:15 am 37 minutes seated whispered noting in Studio P3 at work. Similar experience to this morning, except less sadness and fear.
6pm 10 minutes silent seated noting at the beginning of my Buddhism and the Psychology of Spiritual Development class.
No comments:
Post a Comment