Saturday, October 6, 2012

Log 10/06/12

6:30 a.m. 90 minutes seated noting. Attention was good. Sensations were mostly neutral. As over the past few days, noted "craving" in response to the urge to think, and also, as in the previous few days, the urge to think eventually diminished. At times I felt fear which seemed in reaction to a letting go of the illusion of self. Once I even thought, "Wait a sec -- can't go there -- maybe I'd be going crazy!" Then I thought, "Oh. So this is the terror of losing the illusion of self. This is to be welcomed!"

6pm 45 minutes seated noting. Relatively easy to not think; didn't even note "craving" much. Gradually over time I seemed to go into some deep space where I wasn't very aware of what was going on. Or maybe it was some state similar to sleep. Started with a headache and hunger, but soon those sensations slipped into the background and I was left with hearing, expanding, releasing, pressure, tingling ... At the end, the sound of the meditation timer startled me a bit, and I almost didn't hear it. After emerging from meditation, and reflecting back on the previous moments, it seemed that I wasn't fully conscious. But I don't feel groggy, as I would had I been asleep.

11pm 20 minutes seated noting before sleep.

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