Log 10/05/12

Yesterday: in morning, an hour of seated noting.

Noting during morning commute, but also intentional thinking. Considered that if I approached my work more as a meditation, where I gently but persistently keep drawing my attention back to the task at hand, I might suffer less anxiety.

Spent day writing paper. Anxiety was very low all day, and work was remarkably enjoyable. Could be due to having set my intention, but probably also due to having consumed chocolate at mid-morning.

I can't remember why I didn't meditate more on this day. I suppose I found it important to keep working. In the evening, it was date night with Eric.

Evening: 15 minutes seated noting as I waited for Eric to be ready to work together on organizing his desk.

---------

Today: awoke, as usual, with fear and dread.

5:30 90 minutes seated noting. For first half, very similar to past two days: concentration was good, attention was crisp, and I noted the urge to think with "craving". Other notes were pulsing, rocking, tension, sadness, fear (occasionally), expanding, releasing, relaxing. Almost no pleasure. Second half, concentration/attention were less strong, and there were many bouts of being lost in thought. Sitting was interrupted three times: Eric saying good-bye, opening the heater vent, checking my calendar after I heard a notification for an impending event (it was "running with Zarina", which I thought I'd cancelled).

1pm 30 minutes seated noting with meditation group at work. When I sit with my group at work, I often seem to slide into some deep state that is painful to come out of. And it is not a state of crisp attention; it almost seems like a state of somewhat foggy attention.