Yesterday was an overwhelmingly busy day:
6:50 am 10 minutes seated noting
4pm 10 minutes seated noting. I had a raging headache from running the Chinatown Street Scramble with Eric. I'd considered lying down, but thought perhaps meditation might be a more satisfying way of obtaining relief. It was. The pain diminished somewhat, but mostly, meditating allowed me to disidentify with the pain.
10:30 pm 15 minutes seated noting before going to sleep.
Today:
7am 30 minutes seated whispered noting. I attempted to begin very gently, gradually transitioning away from being engaged in, and identified with, thinking. I tried to approach it as a joyful, welcome respite from chaos and anguish--rather than a chore that I must force myself to do. Whatever nana I've been in lately, I seemed to be in the same. Attention was good, I felt somewhat "locked in", and the meditation was not difficult; there was very little suffering. I tried to more thoroughly notice and note mindstates that I might usually miss. Subtle mind movements of aversion, desire, and judgement. I also began noting "noting". I resisted doing so, but once I began, the contrast was clear: when I don't note "noting", I identify as "the one who notes". I sometimes craved release from identification with self. Was in bed with Mom; after 30 minutes, aversion to her breathing snowballed, and out of kindness to myself, I arose, even though I had otherwise been really enjoying meditating.
9pm 20 minutes seated noting. Eric looked after Mom. I stopped because of RLS.
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