Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Log 10/16/12

7am 80 minutes seated whispered noting. Again, tried to note more subtle mindstates that I have been skipping over. Noted "noting". Sensed notion of "self" being challenged, disappearing, and reformulating. Observed this process only vaguely and imprecisely, but still gratifying to see it at all. The note of "noting" was always powerful; afterward I noticed (but didn't note) blankness, confusion. Also noted "mouthing" (for the movement of my mouth to form the words). Only rarely did I get caught in thinking. Craved to shed the illusion of self. Seem to be making progress, so to speak, and I have hope that this is leading somewhere good. Experienced a subtle gladness about this.

9:30 am 25 minutes seated noting on the bus. Similar to previous sit, although sadness was more predominant. Seemed I could see that sadness and other non-preferred mindstates were associated with something artificial. I still have very little idea what my experience of life could be without the illusion of self, so I can't get too excited about what is to come. But I can, and do, experience a growing readiness to move away from what is (the constant burden of the illusion of self).

11:30 pm 7 minutes seated whispered noting before falling asleep.

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