Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Meditation log 05/16/12

Woke up spontaneously around 3am. Meditated lying down for about 45 minutes (silent noting), then sitting up about 45 minutes (whispered noting). There were difficult periods with the noting of a lot of unpleasant stimuli, especially toward the beginning when it seemed I had a lot of mild physical pain (joints?) and itches. The pain faded after a while, but there was still unpleasantness associated with the sensations in the right throat/torso. I feel anguish about those sensations ... I noted them using "aversion", and allowed myself to use that note more often than I usually do. (I think I often feel aversion to these sensations but I dislike the aversion so I try to skip over it toward something more neutral, like hearing.)

Toward the second half, thoughts were predominant, and they seemed less like self than usual.  I could see the beginnings of them a little, whereas usually I can't see the beginnings of them at all. I noted the thoughts. The layers of thought seemed to unwind more easily than usual, because I wasn't judging myself for having them.

The meditation session as a whole was rather unpleasant (even though quite focused), but there was also a gladness about it, as I trust that the unpleasantness is a sign of progress.

Workday: felt emotionally wrought up entire day, connected to sensations in right side.

Came home and had chocolate ice cream cake. Possible caffeine lift.

7:15: 30 minutes sitting meditation with whispered noting. Not unpleasant at all. Toward middle, decided to start noting a sensation that felt like self (noted as "self"); as I noted it, the sensation faded and I seemed to lose the sense of self; felt kind of like I wanted to go back and grab onto self because sensed a void and somewhat uncomfortable/unusual nothingness / spaciness. Towards end of session, felt like I was in a groove and not tired. 

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