6:30 a.m. 55 minutes inner child work. I kept inquiring of my inner child what she wanted and what she felt like:
"Afraid of him! What's he doing here?" (referring to my partner Eric).
"I don't know what to do."
"Why do you have to do anything?"
"I have to do something, otherwise she will hit me or scream at me, saying, 'Why didn't you do what you were supposed to do?'"
During some of the period, I felt a very strong longing for something unknown. I felt it in my right chest and abdomen. I had the sense that I was an infant, crying and pleading and not getting.
Very strong, convincing sense throughout session that I was doing it wrong, that I didn't know what to do.
I spent some time investigating the sense that it's too late for me to change. There is sadness about having wasted my life, and discomfort about admitting that I tried and tried and tried my whole life but just couldn't find a solution.
This session felt like hard work the whole way, and when I was done I didn't feel comfortable or satisfied.
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