9:28 am Just arrived at work. I feel really scared and sad. Specific things on my mind are Eric's business (he just spoke about it with me for our entire hour-long commute) and talking to Dad about caregiving for Mom. Yesterday I felt really down starting when I arrived at the optometrist at 4pm until about 9pm. I meditated (noting) for an hour this morning.
10am Just completed a task efficiently and with ease, using my solid knowledge of perl. Noticed mind automatically trivializing the accomplishment: if I accomplished it, it's therefore automatically a trivial accomplishment. Still feeling scared and sad, but less so.
12:17 Tried to debug annotation deletion. Talked to Dad on phone, success! attributable to my fine diplomacy. Meditated. Gossiped with Julie. Meditated more. Chatted with Rob West, who is being laid off.
12:30 Ate a KitKat. Progress with annotation deletion (has to do with extra_form_fields). Pulsing, sadness, pleasure, hearing ...
12:50 I am chill. It is because I ate a second KitKat, but I believe it is because I have now achieved perfection. Pulsing, hearing, pleasure, pressure, hearing, tingling, tension, pulsing ... (sadness and sleepiness have vanished)
3:49 Still chilling on the KitKats (had a third). Asking self, why am I not content to be with myself this moment? Desire, wanting! Unworthiness to have what I want!
4:09 Much accomplishment today. Still, sadness, desire! To dare greatly!
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