I've noticed that judgmental thoughts of other humans have become more extreme since my long meditation retreat. Before the retreat, I had many thoughts of being a quite superior person. Now, the thoughts declare that I am even more superior, really just head and shoulders above the vast majority of humanity.
I've wondered how to respond to those thoughts. Should I scale back my spiritual practice so that these thoughts have less fuel? So that I'm more like regular folk and participate more in the activities of regular folk?
I was startled yesterday to realize that I've faced this conundrum before, as early as age 10. At that age, I was bored in school. I had the opportunity to switch schools and enter a gifted program. I declined for this exact reason: wanting to tame my thoughts of superiority.
I wonder now if that was the right choice. So well-intentioned, but probably misguided. Clearly, the source of the thoughts is not my choice of activity, but something deeper.
Terry,
ReplyDeleteI am enjoying reading your blog. This is Geoff, Barb Bryant's friend in Cambridge, MA.
I started meditating this summer and am struggling to keep at it. I am very impressed that you were able to go for 2 months to a retreat. That is really great discipline.
Dear Geoff, I am very interested in the experiences of people who are struggling to get started. Meditation can be such a kind, gentle, enjoyable way of being with oneself, but often the way the instructions are given make it into a difficult chore. I found a fascinating book, "Unlearning Meditation" (Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Unlearning-Meditation-What-When-Instructions/dp/1590307526), which at first glance seems to help get past some of the problems with the usual instructions. Where did you learn meditation? I am curious what tradition you are following. Best, Terry.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the response. I am currently sitting at the Zen Center in Cambridge. They are right near by and have a regular sitting schedule. I try to go in the morning. It is the Kwan Um School of Zen, is Korean based and in the Mahayana Tradition (I think, my knowledge of Buddhism is in the beginning stages). It is interesting, just recently at a Dharma Talk a Zen Teacher was speaking very approvingly of the Theravadan tradition and its guidance in the process. i typically count breathes, although sometimes I recite words 'what is this' on the inhale and 'don't know' on the exhale. As i mentioned I am just a beginner, my mind wanders alot.
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