On my retreat, my experience of sensation in my body, especially the right side of my body from head down to abdomen, became more vivid. This has continued to increase and develop since retreat. Last weekend I frequently had periods of an hour or more during which these sensations were not only vivid, but very dynamic, and closely associated with my experience of emotion. I noticed that every few seconds I'd experience an emotion primarily in terms of these sensations, and that with a small mental gesture I could let go of each one as it occurred, making way for the next one. What a gift. For the past 25 years I'd very strongly suspected that my experience of life, and especially of my emotions, was somehow frozen or blocked. I have had several openings over that time, but this one seems especially important and enjoyable.
Today I am having this vivid bodily experience of emotion while doing my work as a computer programmer. Work is usually a part of my life during which I'm especially shut down emotionally. It just has not seemed possible -- until now -- to do my work and experience emotion at the same time. It's remarkable that this beautiful, vivid experience of being alive while working comes immediately after a day, yesterday, when work was particularly frustrating and I felt at the end of the day that probably a lot of intense emotions had come up that I had just habitually suppressed.
I wish I could think and write more on this ... but it's time to get back to work :-)
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