The inner self-negative voice

Day 4 of program, "Your parents' unconditional love":

Teacher posits that virtually all parents actually do love their children unconditionally, and that, by extension, we are all lovable exactly as we are. This seems true to me, because I feel love for all beings, no matter how awful they are, and although for my own well being I may need to separate myself from some dangerous or unpleasant people, the love is always there and always ready to be expressed once it seems safe.

Have you experienced this type of misunderstanding with your own parents?

Yes. In my 20s I carried with me the belief that my mother found me disgusting and unacceptable, a belief I'd carried since childhood. One day I gathered my courage and asked her whether she thought there was something wrong with me. She immediately said, "Of course not! How could you think there is something wrong with you? You are my beautiful first born child!" This was a turning point for me. Her voice was so sincere, it changed the assumptions I had about her view of me, and, in turn, it changed my own self-view.

It's remarkable to me now that I once thought there was "something wrong" with me, that I was defective and inferior most other people, because that belief seems to be mostly gone now.

I never had any doubt that my father loved me unconditionally.

 

How does this change how you may speak to yourself internally?

I think the teacher is asking whether this insight into the unconditional love of others might change how I speak to myself internally going forward. No answer comes up immediately.

 

How does this change how you may want to shield and soothe going forward?

I wonder whether I can drop some of the debilitating shielding behaviors I described in my last post, especially perfectionism and people-pleasing. I am currently working on being aware of these behaviors and noticing ways I can drop them, and I think I've been dropping some of them sometimes. I'm definitely less of a pleaser than I used to be.