Hello!

I am astonished that it's been over a month since I last posted!

I have shifted my emphasis from psychological work to Vipassana practice.

Today, sat twice so far. First, 2-3/4 hours, sitting, walking, sitting. Second, 50 minutes sitting. Was interested in the nanas. My reading had reminded me that after stream entry, simply inclining the mind toward investigation puts one in the A&P, then one cycles up through to equanimity. Was curious to see how this fit with my experience.

I will describe the second sitting because the first is not so clear in my memory. When I sat down, a familiar series of thoughts and sensations happened during the first minute or two: pulsing, expanding, hearing, regret, joy, tension, relaxation. Attention was crisp and it did seem that this was A&P-like. I didn't notice any clear dukkha nanas, but after maybe 10 minutes I did feel quite equanimous. Various pains and discomforts came and went; they didn't disturb me. Thoughts also came and went but did't disturb me. And it did take effort to concentrate. I was inclined to be lazy. Applying effort was somewhat unpleasant. When my left leg fell asleep and I moved it, the waking-up feelings were intense and I experience aversion -- so I was not 100% equanimous. I arose from my sitting when I felt tired of making the effort.

Various things over the past month have inspired both me and Z to practice Vipassana fervently. If we can experience freedom in this very life, what could be a more worthwhile pursuit? I have believed this for several years, yet for the past 2.5 years I have been more drawn to psychological work. It has been very interesting and very rewarding, and it has not seemed possible to pursue both intensively, at least not while holding down a job. I imagine, too, that psychological work may detract from Vipassana momentum. I wonder where today's passion with Vipassana will take me?

I am strongly considering quitting my job soon, like in 2 or 2.5 months. Reasons:
 - I have never felt at ease with this work. I have repeatedly felt overwhelmed. I have days where I feel happy and competent, but this feeling never lasts more than a week or two at best. I want to give myself a chance to experience something different, something more joyful. I feel interested in dementia care, hospice, psychology, and intuitive healing. I will follow whichever path presents me with a suitable mentor.
 - I want to take some time off from full-time work to practice Vipassana intensively and also to take care of my health.