Openings

Over the past 24 hours I've discovered new bodily sensations that I'd been suppressing, and I've been opening to them. Just prior to this I had three experiences that may have set the stage for this new opening:

1. Sunday morning I heard a talk by Gil Fronsdal at the Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City. Gil was my first teacher of Vipassana meditation in 2000. Gil spoke about skillfulness in daily life. He said that one can approach one's day by trying to find, in each moment, the most skillful way to be. He said that there are different styles for this practice, suitable to different personalities: playfulness, gamification, following a set of instructions, opening wide and not-doing. He found that when he began approaching life in this way, he thought it might be draining, but instead found it energizing.

2. Monday morning I had a psychotherapy session via skype with T. During the session I felt stuck in some very young feelings.

3. Tuesday morning on the train from the airport to work, I read bits of The Power of Now over the shoulder of another passenger. It spoke of the importance of being aware of the inner body.

Yesterday evening I spent a few hours with Eric. There was friction from time to time, and I weathered it all without withdrawing. Each time I was able to open to the desire and sadness beneath the anger. I was able to stay close and become closer. I had the exciting revelation: any time I am with Eric is an opportunity to connect. I don't need him to give me attention, I don't need him to be any particular way. If his attention is elsewhere, or if he is talking about something that angers me -- all is opportunity to practice being with my own reactions. I realized afresh that when I am with him (or any person) I am constantly maneuvering to keep their attention and prevent them from being angry. What a delight to stop maneuvering!

This morning upon waking I opened to various sensations and found I was energized to arise at 6:30 even though I'd had only 6.5 hours of sleep.