Tolerating arousal; fair fighting

I did some interesting inner work in the middle of the night. It was a repeat of some work I'd done a week or two ago. I was very agitated about a discussion I'd had with Z right before going to sleep. My mind was going in circles about it. I decided to shift my attention to a different thought: "I love myself". As I did so, I noticed uncomfortable sensations, sensations that had previously been dampened by the negative thought cycles. I realized that I was afraid of those sensations and had interpreted them as signs that something was amiss. I incorporated the sensations into "I love myself", thinking about loving those sensations and the part of me that gives rise to them. This was very challenging at first and required a lot of effort, faith, and courage. But in time, it led to a full and peaceful feeling, and I was able to go to sleep. This is what had happened the previous time I'd done the same work. It was very satisfying, and exciting.

Today I had a heated discussion with Z and found I had more stamina than usual. When uncomfortable sensations arose, I was able to tolerate them and avoid interpreting them as signs of danger. I told myself that engaging in this heated discussion was the appropriate and respectful thing to do. Retreating, far from being polite or loving, would have been unloving. Both of us furthered our understanding of each other and of the situation we were discussing. I also insisted that Z stay engaged at times when she seemed to be retreating. I made space for her to take a break and resume later, but I didn't tolerate her dismissing me, walking away, or sneaking in a last word after saying discussion was closed. Writing this, I realize that I could not have forced Z to do these things and that we were clearly both making an effort to engage in fair fighting. Fair fighting feels great!