Investigating the illusion of self: Step One

I am beginning the seven steps outlined by Ilona Ciunaite in her book Liberation Unleashed. These are steps to follow in breaking the illusion of a separate self that makes decisions, thinks, and does things. Three years ago I worked with a guide at liberationunleashed.com to investigate this illusion, but I now think I did not complete the work. "Self" is supposed to be seen clearly as illusion to the same degree as Santa Claus is seen as illusion, and that is not where I am.

So I am supposed to copy a paragraph and notice whether fear arises:

There is no separate self at all in reality--no agent in charge, no manager, no watcher, no owner of life; all there is, is life flowing freely as one movement, one reality, one life, one nature, one intelligence, one god, one flow, whatever word resonates most. The separate self, or "I," is an illusion; there never was such an entity and never will be.

I do not notice fear arising. What I notice is mild excitement, relief, and joy. There are shimmering sensations in the chest and throat. The breath is flowing more easily. The child "self" is almost tearful with relief; she has felt for so long the burden of wanting to manage life properly.

After that, there is some fear, with the words, "all I know of myself is Self! If we get rid of that, what will there be left of me?" It seems that my existence is being threatened. There is a tightening of the throat.

What is the fear itself?
What is this fear protecting? -- it is protecting the child, the child who once felt threatened with annihilation and has been strategizing ever since for survival.
What needs to be protected? -- Me.
What is it that feels threatened? -- The child.

Then, resistance arose, in the form of a desire to watch TV. Resistance, what is going on? I am afraid that I am not going to get this! I am afraid of trying and failing. I already failed multiple times.

Aw, sweetheart! It is so hard to try and fail. Yes, and I have been failing my whole life! Tell me about that. So many times I followed instructions that got me nowhere, like being a good Catholic, praying to St. Jude about the frog book, and doing self-hypnosis, and psychotherapy, and getting a PhD, and trying to succeed in my career, and the retreat with Pa Auk Sayadaw. Well, even as I write all that, I see the many many areas where I did succeed, sometimes by following instructions. I feel a bit encouraged.

Now, back to the fear of annihilation.

Fear, why are you here? What are you trying to tell me? Please share your wisdom.
I'm a bit afraid of things being different. They are sort of comfortable now. I have been easily able to handle life for quite a while. Sure, there are times of suffering, sometimes intense suffering.

What about the fear of annihilation?
"There is no you." That sounds so strong, so threatening! It reminds me that sometimes people have acted as though there is no me.

Now, I am supposed to look behind the fear. Is there anything behind it?

Not that I can see.