Learning to tolerate anger has been a long, slow, but rewarding process for me.
Just now, Eric was expressing frustration and disappointment that his day had not gone as well as he wished. This typically triggers aversion and anger for me. His expressions of anger continued for about 30 minutes. Toward the end I had a strong urge to distance myself. First I tried to stop my aversion and anger by controlling Eric's actions. But, as usual, this was not effective. Then I considered escape, coupled by emotional distancing: "I don't have to subject myself to this outburst!"
But then I realized that Eric's upset was an excellent opportunity for practice. I had no other tasks I had to attend to. We were in a private and comfortable place. I could witness Eric's agitation and attend to the reactions in my own body. I reminded myself that the problem was within me -- it was my psyche that was reacting to the agitation. I observed the sensations and the associated stories. Increasingly, I notice the anatta of the sensations -- that they occur of their own accord, without my direction. This made them easier to let go of. It was quite a show -- tensings in various parts of the body. The stories took more effort to discern. I asked the inner child what she had to say. "I'm not going to get what I want! I'm out of control! I can't make him do what I want him to do!"
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