Again, checking in with my infant child-state every 20 minutes and whenever I feel the urge to distract myself: feeling the sensations in the right torso/throat that I associate with this state, then noticing how I respond.
11:11am Fullness, pulsing, slight sadness, slight sleepiness. No strong messages that it's not safe.
12:09 just ate 3-4 thin mints b/c was hungry and Eric wasn't ready to go to lunch yet. Sensations are similar to previous checkin. Thoughts: "where is this going? I have no idea! This is a complete adventure! I'm a little afraid/anxious ... it's impossible to feel viscerally happy about this because I have absolutely no idea what's coming next ... although there is faith that it's something better than what I've had in the past."
8:02 pm In the middle of working on this project, wanted to distract myself. Feeling are: full breaths with ribcage expanding outward; tightness/quivering in lower right throat; tingling in hands, arms, legs; slight nausea; slight lightheadedness from hyperventilation; slight movement in the jaw; urge to act in the arms (I've been examining and taking notes for 4 minutes now; thought appears "I should be working"); shoulders move back and down repetitively; torso rocking back and forth (thought: "this is going nowhere, this can only go to a bad place, I am going to get stuck") ... face set in a scornful scowl, head tipped slightly down and to the left. Quitting this focused observation at 8:11. Intend to go back to work but staying somewhat aware of these feelings.
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