Terror at intimacy

In couple counseling last week I looked at the deep terror I hold regarding intimacy. I still feel as though giving to others, or letting others in, will lead to my annihilation. I hold both hopefulness and hopelessness about ever getting past this. It's curious that I can hold both attitudes simultaneously. I wonder why I still have this terror when I have worked so hard and so sincerely to get past it for so many years. I don't just wonder, actually--I feel sad and self-critical about it, and long for someone to tell me that it's not my fault.