Yesterday I had a session with my psychotherapist, Trip, where I felt very angry at him (as I often do) and tried to stay with and ride the feeling. I began to moan deeply -- haltingly at first, then continuously for about 5 or 10 minutes. It felt right. I thought, "this is what I want to express, not 'f.u. Trip' as Trip has sometimes suggested but which never felt right".
Today, while I was meditating on the bus, the noise from somebody's headphones began to irritate me. Instead of freezing in a miserable fight against myself, as I have in response to such noises for the past 30+ years, I let go into a warm, full, vibrant feeling in my upper chest, a feeling that is not familiar but pleasant and not at all miserable.
Right now I can feel it mildly. It extends into the throat, where before today, if I was aware of any feeling at all there, I felt only tightness. It's a good feeling.
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