diffuse glowing sensation centered in lower right abdomen, the sensation I call Julia's fire
changes like the weather
one year ago it was just coming out of hiding, I was usually unaware
now it is there nearly always
it is not always diffuse glowing
today it is
it's like the sun
but even now as I watch it, it's no longer centered in the abdomen
center moving up, to chest, to throat, with shimmers all up and down the right side
from pelvis to head
echoes in the genitals
lurking in the throat, evidence of something unsaid, not yet safe to say
trying these days to stay aware of this while listening to others
deeply engrained habit to NOT be aware
deeply!
feels as though something very bad will happen if I put any attention there
while another is speaking to me
feels like multitasking, not holistic
worry that I'll miss what the other is saying, and what if they find out!!
they will either abandon me, or demand that I get it
by taking more of my attention and explaining in further excruciating detail
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