10:24 a.m. Started the work day feeling very pessimistic ... was dreading another day of struggle. Then, two positive things happened. First, I got past my resistance to working on this manuscript. It seems I just needed to get my head into it. After getting over the worst of the resistance, I noticed a sense that I really wanted to be in the manuscript ... a feeling of affection and desire ... a feeling that was hard to stay with. But I have been putting effort into staying with it. Second, I noticed my resistance about asking Zhi for help. Today, it seemed softer, something I could look at and allow to soften. I did look at it and it did soften ... the resulting feeling was more alive and "right" but also unfamiliar and scary. I did ask Zhi for help and the asking and receiving were both very pleasant and rewarding.
4:45 pm Didn't take mindfulness breaks today -- after yesterday, I want a break from the breaks! -- but my work day has been much more pleasant, less distressing, than yesterday was.
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