Aversion

When I don't like what's going on, when I think my state of mind is unsatisfactory, when I think I should be doing something else -- I often now am able to look at JUST the feeling/action of not-liking. It is indeed quite separate from the thing not liked, and noticing it is such a relief.

Today

Had an urge to read email/Facebook. Stopped and examined motivating urge. I think I saw a deep desire to do well at my work. Maybe that desire is hard to look at, uncomfortable to experience.

Last two days at work have been remarkably free of anxiety. I attribute it to insightful meditation sessions in the morning. I've been doing 40 minutes walking/movement meditation, followed by 20-30 minutes yoga. In meditation, I've ben focusing on things other than the breath 98% of the time. Moments after beginning, the primary sensation in my consciousness is panic that I won't be able to stand up straight or breathe. I've been examining the feeling that prompts me to hunch over and stop breathing -- I feel it in the front of my body from neck to knees, and I call it fear. Physically protecting my body with a shield (pillow or closet door) seems to calm me enough that I can look at the fear.

Vocabulary

There's not a rich vocabulary for describing some of the important things in my daily experience.